He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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