Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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