i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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