After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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