is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
