My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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