Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
