At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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