I wish my penis had an off switch
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
