you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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