It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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