So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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