She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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