I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
