i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
