I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Everclear isn't food dammit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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