How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
