He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
