Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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