Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did i walk over a car last night?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
