he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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