Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
