yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
