you traded sex for a burrito?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
