I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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