I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
