I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
