Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
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Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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