would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You're like the curious george of whores
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
