Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
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I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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