We named our party play list daddy issues
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
