It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
