I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
