sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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