Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No I am not eating basil off your cock
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
