this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
