my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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