Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
