i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
