Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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