btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You are a genius and a whore.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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