the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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