I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
