i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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