She is in my trunk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
