remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
