god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
