i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
