I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
