I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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