Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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