I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
