Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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