Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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