I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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