At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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