woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
