Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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