Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
