CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Do vagina's smell?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
