It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
