The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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