Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
