did you get engaged???
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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