I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
