well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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