I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
